Who's Got Your Back by Keith Ferrazzi

Author:Keith Ferrazzi [Ferrazzi, Keith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-385-53022-4
Publisher: Broadway Books
Published: 2009-06-06T16:00:00+00:00

That you are interested in working together as partners to help achieve your mutual goals

That each of you is willing to put your needs on the table, for the good of the partnership

That you both recognize the benefits of such a partnership

That you are both committed to honesty, rigor, and self-reflection

That you are willing to not let each other fail

The long slow dinner is really about getting to know someone in the right environment. You don’t even have to go out to a restaurant at all—especially given that you may be meeting over time with a number of people you are thinking of as potential advisors. Its main purpose is to get people out from behind their defenses, those concentric circles of desks, cubicles, office doors, home offices, living rooms, phones, and computers, that close off people at work and at home.

People at their desks are effectively locked in a cocoon of established behavior. You want to get them away from that. At work, the open floorplans that are so popular nowadays actually frustrate genuine relationships. The no-walls office style is meant to engender efficiency and openness while breaking down rigid hierarchies—and in some ways it does. But I’ve seen it also prevent open communication for fear of who may be listening; it makes some people cling to their desks like life rafts, as the last refuges of safety and solitude.

Try this instead: Invite someone out for a cup of coffee or tea. Sometimes I’ll use the couch in the reception area of a company, since it’s typically the quietest, least used space around. Better still is breakfast or lunch outside the office or home. Early or midday meals can be challenging because time boxes you in, but at least they get you away from the physical distractions and clatter of the office.

I’ve found that inviting people into my home is one of the best ways to court support. Stepping across that threshold instantly brings down barriers—our homes are bastions meant to protect us from the outside world. When you go inside someone’s home, you’re entering into his or her private space—and private life. This simple gesture alone is often enough to bring a new level of candor and openness to a relationship. You don’t need to fix a fancy meal or even cook anything. Cocktails on the deck or porch can be a terrific icebreaker. Or invite someone over to exercise or watch a special game or movie on TV.

The long slow dinner, in short, can take place anywhere the two of you both feel safe.

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